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Posts: 2046
| A Horse's View of the World
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> Do you ever wonder what your horse is actually thinking? How often have you ever wondered if you are on the same page or even talking the same language? Take a look at some of the definitions from the horse’s dictionary and compare them to yours.
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> Arena: Place where humans can take the fun out of forward motion.
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> Bit: Means by which a rider's every motion is transmitted to the sensitive tissues of the mouth.
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> Bucking: counter-irritant.
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> Crossties: Gymnastic apparatus.
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> Dressage: Process by which some riders can eventually be taught to respect the bit.
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> Fence: Barrier that protects good grazing.
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> Grain: Sole virtue of domestication.
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> Hitching rail: Means by which to test one's strength.
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> Horse trailer: Mobile cave bear den.
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> Hotwalker: The lesser of two evils.
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> Jump: An opportunity for self-expression.
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> Latch: Type of puzzle.
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> Longeing: Procedure for keeping a prospective rider at bay.
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> Owner: Human assigned responsibility for one's feeding.
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> Rider: Owner overstepping its bounds.
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> Farrier: Disposable surrogate owner; useful for acting out aggression without compromising food supply.
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> Trainer: Owner with mob connections.
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> Veterinarian: Flightless albino vulture
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> Only Horse People…
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> - believe in an 11th commandment: inside leg to outside rein...
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> - know that all topical medications come in either indelible blue or neon yellow.
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> - think nothing of eating a sandwich while mucking out a stall.
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> - know why a thermometer has a yard of yarn attached to the end of it.
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> - are banned from Laundromats.
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> - fail to associate whips, chains and leather with sexual deviancy.
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> - can magically lower their voices five octaves to bellow at a pawing horse.
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> - will end relationships over their hobby.
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> - cluck to their cars to help them up hills.
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> - insure their horses for more than their cars.
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> - know (and care) more about their horse’s nutrition than their own.
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> - have no problem speaking of semen, abscesses and colic surgery at the dinner table.
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> - have a smaller wardrobe than their horse..
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> - engage in a hobby that is more work than their day job.
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> - know that a good ride is better than Zoloft any day.
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Posts: 1219
Location: Kansas | Especially love the last one! | |
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A Horse's View of the World
